Today, someone stole my cheesecake and chocolate covered strawberries that were meant for my birthday from the Elephant Common Room Fridge. The two boxes were brand new and sealed, but someone managed to opened both boxes and devoured both things relentlessly. Sweet bro.

Whoever did it, I just really want you to know that you are the man. Seriously. If you really have to guts to do that, I hope you also have the courage to just say sorry. But you probably are too much of a coward to do so.